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09 April 2009 @ 02:59 am
FAIL FIC OF FAIL!!!!!! That has no name.  

Title: _________
Rating: R, Mature themes.
Summary:  Kibum is curious about Taemin's body.  So, he gives Minho the task of finding out.
Genre:  Crack lmao complete crack.
Pairing: 2Min

I just wrote this to prove something to someone on another site lmfao.  I cannot write at all if I don't work my ass off.  This was me just sitting down and being goofy.  I didn't try and force the flow in or anything XD it's just fun crack.  The good thing is though, that I finally made a 2Min fic!!!!   Oh, and if you're against Taemin being 'mature' (XD) then this fic is not for you.  LMAO.  This fic is making me giggle.  No clue where it came from.




 

            When I walked into our dorm’s computer room that day and spotted all three of my hyungs bent over the single computer, I became curious. When I heard the hushed murmurs slipping through their lips, I became concerned.  When they turned and saw me, and Kibum’s eyes flashed with that glint, I was terrified. The only time he had that glint in his eyes were on the nights that he and Jinki disappeared for their ‘alone time.’

 

            “I’m just going to…go.” I said and quickly began to back out of the door. I had no clue what the three of them were up to, and I didn’t want to find out.

 

            “Minho wait! We have a question!” Kibum called and jumped out of the chair.  He quickly ran up to me and wrapped his long fingers around my forearm, feebly trying to pull me further into the room. His strength proved to be no match for my height.

 

            “No, he was a question.” Jinki sighed and pressed both of his hands over his eyes, clearly exasperated with his wife. “I want nothing to do with this.”

 

            “You know you’re just as curious as I am!” Kibum snapped, leaning back and using his body weight to keep me anchored. “Choi Minho, if you don’t listen to me I am not cooking for you for a month…okay a week…okay you don’t get dinner tonight!”

 

            “Oh the horror.” I retorted and easily jerked my arm out of his grasp. “I really don’t think I want to know what you three are doing.”

 

            “I really don’t care if…um…I just don’t care!” Jinki cried and turned to bang his head against the wall. “This is entirely ridiculous and inappropriate!”

 

            “I have to admit.” Jonghyun started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I am…kind of curious. He does look like the type.”

 

            Now they had me curious. My instincts were screaming at me to run for cover, to just get away from the chaos sure to come if I asked what they were talking about…but I couldn’t help myself.

 

            “Alright, what’s going on?” I asked, cringing when Jinki slid to the floor with a loud groan. 

 

            “Close the door.” Kibum hissed, his eyes twinkling with what I could only describe as pure, utter insanity.

 

*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*

 

            “You want to know WHAT?” I gasped, appalled at the words that had just slid out of Kibum’s mouth.

 

            “Well, I’ve been reading a lot of stuff written by fans…they seem totally convinced that it is huge. Some site’s call it their mascot! Have you seen it or not?” Kibum replied. He didn’t seem at all embarrassed that he had just asked me if I had ever seen our magnae naked.

 

            “You’re sick.” I gasped. My head shook side to side and my eyes were wide with shock. “You’re his mother. How can you be thinking like that?”

 

            “I’m not his real mother, Minho. I’m a teenager! I’m a guy! My mind has a tendency to think about these things! I’m seen all of you naked except for him!”

 

            “You’ve what?” I yelled, leaping out of the chair that Kibum had placed me in for his question.

 

            “Yeah, what?” Jonghyun added, perking up and standing straighter against the wall to my left. “I thought Jinki was the only one you spied on.”

 

            “He spies on me? You spy on me?” Jinki yelped in shock.

 

            “Oh hush up.” Kibum sighed, rolling his eyes and trying to push me back into the chair. “It was only once and it was your fault. The rest of us lock the door when we do things that make us a little…distracted. Hell, Jinki and I just leave the dorm all together.”

 

            “I can never look you in the eyes again!” I cried and hunched over in the chair, knowing full well what Kibum was referring to. It was only once in the bedroom. I told every one else that I was tired and Kibum demanded that I take a nap. Unfortunately, I had a rather…arousing dream, involving none other than the magnae in question. I didn’t actually want the others knowing that I was awake yet…or see me make my way to the bathroom, so I just took care of things in the bedroom. It turns out that sound of the door clicking wasn’t my imagination.

 

            “I always lock the door!” Jonghyun snapped, crossing his arms angrily.

 

            “You’re joking! You spy on me?” Jinki asked again, his voice rising to a slightly higher pitch.

 

            “I know, Jonghyun, it took me almost forever to catch you! Start locking the door when you’re getting dressed commando.” Kibum sighed, shaking his head as if the three of us were being irrational.

 

            “Tell me you’re not serious, Kibum!” Jinki yelled. I lifted my head to see him staring wide eyed at his partner.

 

            “Of shut up, Jinki. We all knew.” I sighed.

 

            “Well you can’t blame me!” Kibum cried when Jinki’s face turned to angry. “I mean…seriously guys…look at him.”

 

            “I’d rather not.” I replied, it wasn’t Jinki that I wanted mental pictures of.

 

            “Guys, we’re getting too off topic.” Kibum snapped, waving his hands in front of his chest to silence all of us. “So absolutely none of us know?”

 

            Jinki, Jonghyun, and I all responded with a synchronized “no.”  I was getting to the point where absolutely nothing was surprising me anymore so I figured I’d just stick around to see where the conversation went.

 

            “Well then.” Our mother figure smiled. That smile scared me, again. “We’ll just need to find out. Who wants to do it?”

 

            “Do what?” Jinki asked, his voice became stern and it held the same caution that was running through my mind. I did not like what I thought Kibum was implying.

 

            “Figure it out! It shouldn’t be that hard. He never locks the door when he takes a shower. We just need to time it right and accidentally walk in just as he steps out.”

 

            “No!” Jinki snapped, pushing himself off of the wall. “That is a total invasion of privacy. I’m not flipping out that you spy on me because…well…”

 

            “You’ve spied on me, too?”

 

            “You knew?”

 

            “Yeah, just continue.”

 

            “Because Taemin isn’t your boyfriend! He’s innocent and young and…and…as the fan proclaimed father figure of this dorm I will not let my son be corrupted by you.”

 

            “Fine then, let Minho do it.”

 

            “No!” I snapped, again jumping out of my chair.

 

            “Oh come ON, Minho! It’s not like you don’t want to see him naked!” Kibum laughed, rolling his eyes.

 

            “Why would he want to see the kid naked?” Jonghyun asked. He seemed as shocked as I was to hear those words coming from our mom’s mouth.

 

            “You knew?” I gasped. I thought I had hid my feelings for the younger boy well during the long time we had all lived together.

 

            “I was right!” Kibum yelled, turning to jump into Jinki’s arms. “You know what you owe me!”

 

            “Oh God damn it, Minho!” Jinki yelled, his arms barely seemed to be able to support the boy that was perched in his arms and his face was drained off all color.

 

            “You bet on whether I like Taemin or not?” I asked, utterly shocked at the things I was learning about my hyungs.

 

            “What did you bet?” Jonghyun asked. He seemed to be enjoying the events taking place in that room more than anyone.

 

            “I get to top!” Kibum hissed, leaning down to plant a kiss on Jinki’s round lips.

 

            “That’s it, I’m out of here. I’ll be with Seung ri or something.” Jonghyun laughed, quickly bolting out the door. “Good luck, Minho!” I could hear the slam of the front door moments later.

 

            “I think we’re going to head out, too.” Kibum said, hopping out of Jinki’s arms and turning to drag his boyfriend towards the door. “Don’t expect us back until sometime tomorrow.”

 

            “Tonight? We’re doing this tonight?” Jinki squeaked, dragging his heels in an attempt to escape the wrath of his partner.

 

            “Yes tonight. I’ve been waiting for this for too long.” Kibum laughed before disappearing out the door.  No more than three minutes passed before he walked back past the still open computer room’s door, bag in one hand, terrified boyfriend in the other.

 

            “Help me, Minho!” Jinki called as he disappeared down the hallway. “He may seem sweet, but mama’s got a dark side!”

 

            “You’re on your own.” I replied, shaking my head in disbelief at what had just occurred.

 

            “Oh, Minho, text me your…results when you get them. I’ll have my cell on silent when we reach the hotel but I’ll check it when we’re done.” Kibum peeked around the doorway. “Oh and close that computer screen before the kid sees it!”

 

            “I’m not doing it.” I replied, turning to look at the computer for the first time since coming into the room. “Jesus Christ, Kibum!” I yelled, my eyes meeting a gif of Taemin…focused on his lower half.

 

            “See you tomorrow!” He laughed. Moments later I heard the front door slam, leaving me in complete silence. I didn’t waste any time with closing the computer screen. I found that my three older brothers had found many, very many pictures and gifs of our youngest member. I made sure to clear the browsing history, too.

 

            When I was done with the computer, I slowly made my way out of the room and into the living room. Taemin was still in the bedroom doing his homework so I let myself fall onto the cough.

 

            In the fifteen minutes prior, I had learned that our mother figure had seen me naked, Jonghyun occasionally went commando, and I knew more about my parents sex life than I ever wanted to. On top of that, Kibum expected me to walk in on Taemin and learn if his…equipment really deserved the title of a mascot.

 

            “Where did everyone go?” A voice asked, pulling me from my deep thoughts. Taemin was leaning around the doorway to our bedroom. When my head snapped up, he quickly walked around to lean against the wall. 

 

            He was wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants, probably Jonghyun’s, and one of my button up shirts. The sleeves were way too long for him so he had them rolled up to his elbows, revealing the expanse of white skin stretching from his elbows to hands. 

 

            “Um…out.” I replied, waving my hands distractedly. There was no way that I could go through with it. I loved him too much to do that to him.

 

            “You okay?” He asked, his brows furrowing with concern.

 

            “Yeah.” I sighed, averting my eyes. “Kibum just asked me to do something that I can’t do. It’s nothing.”

 

            “You know, Minho.” Taemin started. When a pair of bare feet appeared in front of my lowered eyes I looked up to meet his gaze. “If you want to see me naked.” He whispered, pulling a gasp from my mouth. My eyes widened when he stepped close to me, leaning in to place his lips close to my ear.  I realized with a small shudder that he had slyly unbuttoned his shirt and when I went to hold him off of me, my hand made contact with his bare chest. Instead of pushing him away as I had originally intended, my long fingers wound their way around his thin stomach and held him in place. “All you have to do is ask.”

 

            As it turns out, the fans were right.

 
 
Current Location: The Playroom
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: So Hot, Yoobin's remix
 
 
 
chocolatheia: feelsgoodtheia88 on April 9th, 2009 08:43 am (UTC)
SPOT!!
chocolatheia: feelsgoodtheia88 on April 9th, 2009 09:22 am (UTC)
Gyahahaha! I love this so much! esp because this is Onkey and 2min..haha! I don't care if you don't title this fic as long as onkey and 2min on it. Hahahaha!

“He spies on me? You spy on me?” Jinki yelped in shock.

“Oh hush up.” Kibum sighed,


Nyahahaha... no surprised ! Oh, naughty kibum to Jinki is always win lolz

“I get to top!” Kibum hissed, leaning down to plant a kiss on Jinki’s round lips.


kyaaaa !!! he started it!! *dies*

“I think we’re going to head out, too.” Kibum said, hopping out of Jinki’s arms and turning to drag his boyfriend towards the door. “Don’t expect us back until sometime tomorrow.”

“Tonight? We’re doing this tonight?” Jinki squeaked, dragging his heels in an attempt to escape the wrath of his partner.

“Yes tonight. I’ve been waiting for this for too long.” Kibum laughed before disappearing out the door. No more than three minutes passed before he walked back past the still open computer room’s door, bag in one hand, terrified boyfriend in the other.

“Help me, Minho!” Jinki called as he disappeared down the hallway. “He may seem sweet, but mama’s got a dark side!”

“You’re on your own.” I replied, shaking my head in disbelief at what had just occurred.

“Oh, Minho, text me your…results when you get them. I’ll have my cell on silent when we reach the hotel but I’ll check it when we’re done.” Kibum peeked around the doorway.


Oh my... kibum is being horny.. hahaha!
jinki need some help lolz!!
Ah, i bet jinki will thanks to Minho instead asking for help to escape from kibum after he got the hotel. nyahahaha!

“You know, Minho.” Taemin started. When a pair of bare feet appeared in front of my lowered eyes I looked up to meet his gaze. “If you want to see me naked.” He whispered, pulling a gasp from my mouth. My eyes widened when he stepped close to me, leaning in to place his lips close to my ear. I realized with a small shudder that he had slyly unbuttoned his shirt and when I went to hold him off of me, my hand made contact with his bare chest. Instead of pushing him away as I had originally intended, my long fingers wound their way around his thin stomach and held him in place. “All you have to do is ask.”


Gosh!! Taemin ... hahaha!
I bet he learn it from his umma key. Hahahaha *continue laughing*

Oh, thanks for writing this. you made my day! write more onkey and 2min, babe! i'm addicted..hihihi!
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on April 9th, 2009 11:43 am (UTC)
KWA SOMEONE 'SPOTTED' MY FIC *CACKLES MADLY* That's never happened before XD it excites me lmfao. I'm glad you liked it lol And I know XD Kibum was so...not how I usually write him, here 0.o it was weeeeeeiiird...but I somehow liked it XD it was fun. You're welcome ^^ And I deffinitely will in the future lol I don't know if I'll actually have anything focused on Onkey (This was supposed to be about 2Min, OnKey just kinda happened before I knew it XD) but I'll absolutely be writing 2Min in the future. And, when I'm not focusing on them, OnKey is easier to write for me lol. ^^.
[Land Min's UFO's Here]toma_love on April 9th, 2009 01:33 pm (UTC)
lol babe this is damn cute and funny XDXD

i love how minho is like for srs he's me favorite member even though my otp is onkey XD
(Deleted comment)
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on April 9th, 2009 04:12 pm (UTC)
Hehe yes, it was implied ^^ CapsSHINee is win...though I think I'm kinda hated there for being too serious XD and you have Kibum pegged (I MEAN SERIOUSLY, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKINGA BOUT.) XD and thank you lmao. I'm glad you liked it lmao. I can just seriously picture Jinki acting that way XD he's such a goober. ^^
mylittlebambimylittlebambi on April 9th, 2009 02:02 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! i'm seriously lacking of comment!!! oh the insanity.....and i didn't know fans are talking about that mascot at all XDDD poor minho & dubu!!!
baby_buggsbaby_buggs on April 9th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC)
they all thought Taemin was so so innocent didn't they...hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!! you should write a sequel. *wink wink cough cough*
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on April 9th, 2009 11:39 pm (UTC)
Lol I'd like to, but I can't write the kind of fic that winks refer to XD I've never done it before and I don't think I can. fifteen year old homeschooler here XD lol Thank you ^^
baby_buggsbaby_buggs on April 10th, 2009 12:32 am (UTC)
well...(14yearoldherebutdonttellanyone)

its okay then, I can always imagine. hehe^^!
syasaredpicturesque on April 10th, 2009 12:45 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHA. OMGEE! This is so adorable! :D Magnae sounds so slutty, I like!
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on April 10th, 2009 06:46 am (UTC)
Hehe me too 8D I think he's a lil more slutty than he puts on in real life ;) he just likes to act all innocent.
dorkyy_azn0221 on April 10th, 2009 06:38 am (UTC)
bahaha i love it!! even though theres onkey in it *glares* but i suppose i can ignore it >.
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on April 10th, 2009 06:45 am (UTC)
I know I know XD I actually don't really like OnKey that much! My true otp is JongKey lol. It's just that there's a girl on winglin that always comments on my fics and she loves OnKey. The poor girl DOESN'T HAVE ACESS TO LJ *LE GASP!* So I've been writing a bit of OnKey for her XD Thank you lol
hisaaaaaki.hisa_cake on April 13th, 2009 09:20 pm (UTC)
OMHYGOD, YOU REFERENCED CAPSLOCK_SHINEE AND OUR BELOVED MASCOT, OHMYGOD YOU'RE AMAZING.

Anyway. HAHAHAHAHA WIN. THIS IS FULL OF WIN FROM BLASE!KEY TO DRAMATIC!ONEW TO NOT-SO-INNOCENT!TAEMIN AND ALL. GOING INTO MY MEMS FOR THE HILARITY.
♪huiruhui_ru on July 8th, 2009 03:00 pm (UTC)
LOL we all knew the bowl cut was a decoy cover for sexy inner teamin bahaha
okay I love your key! he's a little bitch suspicious, evidently deprived child
haha and onew was hilarious-he has consecutive what the fuck moments were so funny
haha come again? wait what? key does what?! epic ♥
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on July 13th, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC)
Lmao inorite XD that boy is so not innocent it's not even funny. Yes, Bitch~Key is love. I'm going to write him again. One day. In a month or so. Maybe. XD. But that's honestly what Jinki would be like, ya'know? I mean, it's Dubu. His what the fuckery moments are amazing XD I'm glad you liked it ^^ thanks for commenting. Hopefully I'll write crack again soon...lmao...maybe XD while I'm on vacation in the next couple weeks or something 'cause I'll have no internet at night and must make my own crack XD I just might have an interesting spiral by the time I come home ;)
kim266 on July 2nd, 2010 04:13 pm (UTC)
OMG! This fic is AWESOME! It's so funny! I kept laughing my ass off all throughout it. XD
Kibum is so funny.. and really pushy XD
And Taemin!! Under that adorable mushroom hair there are little tiny horns, eh? :P
Lol the last line is so funny XD
I normally only like Jongkey, but the Onkey in your fic is genius XD
kovodielnik on August 4th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
I read that koreans(but also asians in general) have smallest, about 3 inch when erected.. I think you noticed when you´ll look at their crotch you would never see anything, even if they wear tight jeans or leather
.. I suppose it was just for the fic, those rumors amongst fans aren´t real, are they? :D:D
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on August 4th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
On the contrary, that is merely a stereotype, and there are exceptions to it. Everyone is different. Yes, in many cases, this stereotype has been proven to be true; my mother is a nurse, she's seen things. However, Asians are growing, as are other ethnicities. I have many friends in Japan who stand at well over six feet now. Is it not true that being short in height is also a stereotype for Asians? There is no reason why they can't be growing in other areas, too, if you catch my drift.
Moreover, three inches is the bottom of the average length. As all people are different, all men have different extremities.
Furthermore, I have seen many a package in the groin area of SHINee members. The Dubulge has its own fandom; http://fuckyeahdubulge.tumblr.com/
That place, among others, collect pictures of said bulge. Believe me when I say that there is something there.
Not to be crude, but to further make my point, I have personally seen Asian junk; I have never seen one as small as three inches. :P
And yes, the fan rumors are true. ^_^ If you dare to travel here, http://community.livejournal.com/capslock_shinee/, you will find that many of the members will have no problem telling you just how amazing Taemin's joy stick is. It is our mascot. ^_^
kovodielnik on August 4th, 2010 08:37 pm (UTC)
OMG I can´t believe we have this conversation over their groins!! XDDD but whatever, how do you know about Taemins pee pee, he wears skinny trausers a lot and I´ve never seen ANYTHING so I just wondered? and the caps comunity I haven´t found anything
bigshineeshinkibigshineeshinki on August 4th, 2010 05:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, one other thing. If you do happen to mosy over to CAPSLOCK_SHINEE, there is one rule that you have to follow. You always, always, ALWAYS type with your capslock button on.
YES, THAT MEANS THAT EVERYTHING YOU TYPE MUST LOOK LIKE THIS. :D AROUND THERE, WE CAN'T HEAR LOWER CASE.
Being called a bitch is a compliment, and if you piss off a mod, she just might demand payback. ;)
It's NOT an anti-community; far from it. You'll see what I mean if you ever decide to go over there, though. ^_^ I just wanted to warn you because of the fact that if you lapslock, type in lower case, you have to submit pennance,your punnishment for breaking the rule. :P it's a fun community lol
kovodielnik on August 4th, 2010 08:21 pm (UTC)
whahah, it sounds weir. what´s that for?